AT THE GREEN DRAGON IX
By Beatrice Hararden
DAVID LAMENTS.
David knew it, and grieved. He knew that Joan’s indifference was growing apace, and that it had taken to itself alarming proportions ever since the historian had been at the Green Dragon. He had constantly met Joan and Hieronymus together, and heard of them being together, and of course he knew that Joan wrote to the historian’s dictation. He never spoke on the subject to any one. Once or twice Auntie Lloyd tried to begin, but he looked straight before him and appeared not to understand. Once or twice some other of the folk made mention of the good-fellowship which existed between Joan and the historian.
“Well, it’s natural enough,” he said quietly. “Joan was always fond of books, and one feels glad she can talk about them with some one who is real clever.”
But was he glad? Poor David! Time after time he looked at his little collection of books, handling the volumes just as tenderly as one handles one’s memories, or one’s hopes, or one’s old affections. He had not added to the library since he had spoken to Hieronymus and asked his advice on the choice of suitable subjects. He had no heart to go on with a hobby which seemed to have no comfort in it.
To-night he sat in his little sitting-room smoking his pipe. He looked at his books as usual, and then locked them up in his oak chest. He sat thinking of Joan and Hieronymus. There was no bitterness in David’s heart; there was only sorrow. He shared with others a strong admiration for Hieronymus, an admiration which the historian never failed to win, though it was often quite unconsciously received. So there was only sorrow in David’s heart, and no bitterness.
The clock was striking seven of the evening when some one knocked at the door, and Hieronymus came into the room. He was in a particularly genial mood, and puffed his pipe in great contentment. He settled down by the fireside as though he had been there all his life, and chatted away so cheerily that David forgot his own melancholy in his pleasure at having such a bright companion. A bottle of whisky was produced, and the coziness was complete.
“Now for the books!” said Hieronymus. “I am quite anxious to see your collection. And look here; I have made a list of suitable books which any one would like to have. Now show me what you have already bought.”
David’s misery returned all in a rush, and he hesitated.
“I don’t think I care about the books now,” he said.
“What nonsense!” said Hieronymus. “You are not shy about showing them to me? I am sure you have bought some capital ones.”
“Oh, it wasn’t that,” David said quietly, as he unlocked the oak chest and took out the precious volumes and laid them on the table. In spite of himself, however, some of the old eagerness came over him, and he stood by, waiting anxiously for the historian’s approval. Hieronymus groaned over Mrs. Hemans’ poetry, and Locke’s “Human Understanding,” and Defoe’s “History of the Plague,” and Cowper, and Hannah More. He groaned inwardly, but outwardly he gave grunts of encouragement. He patted David on the shoulder when he found “Selections from Browning,” and he almost caressed him when he proudly produced “Silas Marner.”
Yes, David was proud of his treasures; each one of them represented to him a whole world of love and hope and consolation.
Hieronymus knew for whom the books were intended, and he was touched by the exciseman’s quiet devotion and pride. He would not have hurt David’s feelings on any account; he would have praised the books, however unsuitable they might have seemed to him.
“My dear fellow,” he said, “you’ve done capitally by yourself. You’ve chosen some excellent books. Still, this list may help you to go on, and I should advise you to begin with ‘Green’s History of the English People.’”
David put the volumes back into the oak chest.
“I don’t think I care about buying any more,” he said sadly. “It’s no use.”
“Why?” asked Hieronymus.
David looked at the historian’s frank face, and felt the same confidence in him which all felt. He looked, and knew that this man was loyal and good.
“Well, it’s just this,” David said, quite simply. “I’ve loved her ever since she was a baby-child. She was my own little sweetheart then. I took care of her when she was a wee thing, and I wanted to look after her when she was a grown woman. It has just been the hope of my life to make Joan my wife.”
He paused a moment, and looked straight into the fire.
“I know she is different from others, and cleverer than any of us here, and all that. I know she is always longing to get away from Little Stretton. But I thought that perhaps we might be happy together, and that then she would not want to go. But I’ve never been quite sure. I’ve just watched and waited. I’ve loved her all my life. When she was a wee baby I carried her about, and knew how to stop her crying. She has always been kinder to me than to any one else. It was perhaps that which helped me to be patient. At least, I knew she did not care for any one else. It was just that she didn’t seem to turn to any one.”
He had moved away from Hieronymus, and stood knocking out the ashes from his pipe.
Hieronymus was silent.
“At least, I knew she did not care for any one else,” continued David, “until you came. Now she cares for you.”
Hieronymus looked up quickly.
“Surely, surely, you must be mistaken,” he said. David shook his head.
“No,” he answered, “I am not mistaken. And I’m not the only one who has noticed it. Since you’ve been here, my little Joan has gone further and further away from me.”
“I am sorry,” said Hieronymus. He had taken his tobacco-pouch from his pocket, and was slowly filling his pipe.
“I have never meant to work harm to her or you, or any one,” the historian said sadly. “If I had thought I was going to bring trouble to any one here, I should not have stayed on. But I’ve been very happy among you all, and you’ve all been good to me; and as the days went on I found myself becoming attached to this little village. The life was so simple and refreshing, and I was glad to have the rest and the change. Your little Joan and I have been much together, it is true. She has written to my dictation, and I found her so apt that, long after my hand became well again, I preferred to dictate rather than to write. Then we’ve walked together, and we’ve talked seriously and merrily, and sadly too. We’ve just been comrades; nothing more. She seemed to me a little discontented, and I tried to interest her in things I happen to know, and so take her out of herself. If I had had any idea that I was doing more than that, I should have left at once. I hope you don’t doubt me.”
“I believe every word you say,” David said warmly.
“I am grateful for that,” Hieronymus said, and the two men grasped hands.
“If there is anything I could do to repair my thoughtlessness,” he said, “I will gladly do it. But it is difficult to know what to do and what to say. For perhaps, after all, you may be mistaken.”
The exciseman shook his head.
“No,” he said, “I am not mistaken. It has been getting worse ever since you came. There is nothing to say about it; it can’t be helped. It’s just that sort of thing which sometimes happens: no one to blame, but the mischief is done all the same. I don’t know why I’ve told you about it. Perhaps I meant to, perhaps I didn’t. It seemed to come naturally enough when we were talking of the books.”
He was looking mournfully at the list which Hieronymus had drawn out for him.
“I don’t see that it’s any use to me,” he said.
He was going to screw it up and throw it into the fire, but the historian prevented him.
“Keep it,” he said kindly. “You may yet want it. If I were you, I should go on patiently adding book after book, and with each book you buy, buy a little hope too. Who knows? Some day your little Joan may want you. But she will have to go out into the world first and fight her battles. She is one of those who must go out into the world and buy her experiences for herself. Those who hinder her are only hurting her. Don’t try to hinder her. Let her go. Some day when she is tired she will be glad to lean on some one whom she can trust. But she must be tired first, and thus find out her necessity. And it is when we find out our necessity that our heart cries aloud. Then it is that those who love us will not fail us. They will be to us like the shadow of a great rock in a weary land.”
David made no answer, but he smoothed out the crumpled piece of paper and put it carefully into his pocket.