Words and Thoughts

[A Play in One Act]

By Don Marquis

Characters:

Cousin Fanny Hemlock

John Speaker

Mary Speaker

John Thinker

Mary Thinker

Maid

Period, the present. Place, any American city.

The Scene represents two drawing rooms, exact duplicates, furnished alike to the smallest detail. Either room might be the reflection of the other in a mirror. Each occupies half of the stage. The division line between them is indicated, towards the hack of the stage, by two pianos, which sit hack to back at the center of the hack drop. This division is carried by the pianos a quarter or a third of the way towards the footlights. The division is further suggested, towards the front of the stage, hy a couple of settees or couches, which also sit back to back.

John Speaker and Mary Speaker remain all the time in the room at the right of the stage. They are not aware of John Thinker and Mary Thinker, who are, throughout the play, in the room at the left. The Thinkers, however, are aware of the Speakers.

In make-up, looks, dress, etc., the twoJohns are precisely alike. The same is true of Mary Speaker and Mary Thinker. The Johns are conventional-looking, prosperous Americans of from 38 to 40 years of age. The two Marys are a few years younger.

Cousin Fanny Hemlock is a dried-up, querulous old woman of seventy.

The Curtain, on rising, discovers the two Johns and the two Marys. It is between 7 and 8 in the evening; they are all in evening dress, and are preparing to go out, putting on their gloves, etc., etc.

John Speaker [Picking up over coat.]

Are you ready, Mary dear?

Mary Speaker [Holding out a gloved hand.]

Quite, John dear. Button this for me, won’t you, love?

John Speaker [Busy with glove.]

It’s been nearly a year, hasn’t it, since we’ve been out together of an evening? I’m afraid Cousin Fanny is terribly trying on you at times, Mary.

Mary Speaker

You know, John, I don’t consider her a trial. I love Cousin Fanny.

John Thinker

[Busy with Mary Thinker’s glove.]

The old cat’s letting us off to-night, for a wonder, Mary. She’s a horrible affliction!

Mary Thinker [Passionately.]

Affliction is no word. She makes my life a living hell! I hate her!

John Speaker

[Helping

Mary Speaker on with coat, which action is simultaneously imitated hy John and

Mary Thinker.]

Well, we must bear with her gently, Mary. I am afraid poor Cousin Fanny will not be with us many more years.

John Thinker [To

Mary Thinker.]

One comfort is she’ll die before long!

Mary Speaker [To

John Speaker.]

Oh, John, you don’t think Cousin Fanny’s going to die, do you?

Mary Thinker [To

John Thinker.]

Don’t fool yourself about her dying soon, John. There’s no such luck!

[Enter Maid through door in right back to John and

Mary Speaker, who look up. John and

Mary Thinker also notice entrance of Maid and listen.]

Maid

[To

Mary Speaker.]

Miss Hemlock sent me to inquire whether you were going out to-night.

Mary Thinker [To

John Thinker, quickly.]

The old cat’s up to something!

Mary Speaker [To Maid.]

Yes. We were just starting. Does Miss Hemlock want anything? I will go to her if she wishes to speak with me.

Maid

She said, in case you were going out, that I was to tell you not to do so.

Mary Speaker

Not to do so?

Maid

Yes, ma’am; that’s what she said. She said in case you were getting ready to go out, you were to change your plans and stop at home.

John Speaker [To Maid.]

Not to do so? But, surely, there must be some mistake!

[Maid shakes her head slowly, deliberately, looking fixedly at John Speaker; and while she is doing so

John Thinker says to

Mary Thinker:]

John Thinker

Some malicious idea is working in her head tonight!

Maid

[To

John Speaker.]

No, sir, no mistake. She said very plainly and distinctly that you were not to go out tonight.

[Maid bows and exits.]

John Speaker

Cousin Fanny is not so well to-night, I’m afraid, dear, or she would certainly have put her request in some other way.

Mary Speaker

If I didn’t love Cousin Fanny, John, I would be tempted to believe that she deliberately tries at times to annoy us.

John Speaker

Cousin Fanny is old, and we must remember that she is very fond of us. We will have to bear with her.

[ John Speaker takes his top coat and his wife’s coat> and lays them on a chair, while John Thinker, who has been frowning and brooding, flings himself into chair and says to

Mary Thinker:]

John Thinker

For cold-blooded, devilish nerve in a man’s own house, Cousin Fanny certainly takes the cake, Mary!

Mary Thinker

She gets more spiteful every day. She knows her power, and the more childish she gets the more delight she takes in playing tyrant.

John Thinker

Cheer up, it isn’t forever! If she doesn’t change her will before she dies, it means fifteen thousand dollars a year. That’s worth a little trouble!

Mary Thinker

You’re away at your office all day. I’m here at home with her. It is I who catch all the trouble!

John Thinker

Well, after all, she’s more nearly related to you, Mary, than she is to me.

Mary Thinker

She’s my mother’s third cousin, if you call that near!

John Thinker

Well, then, she’s my father’s fifth cousin, if you call that near!

 

Mary Speaker

What were you thinking of, John, dear?

John Speaker

Nothing… nothing, Mary… except that

Cousin Fanny is a poor, lonely old soul, after all.

Mary Speaker

Poor, lonely old woman, indeed—it’s odd, isn’t it, that she is related to both you and me, John?

John Speaker

She’s closer to you than to me, Mary.

Mary Speaker

You couldn’t call a fourth or fifth cousin very near, John.

John Speaker

It almost seems as if you were trying to deny the blood tie, Mary!

Mary Speaker

No, John, dear, blood is thicker than water.

John Speaker Thicker than water!

John Thinker

Relations are the most unpleasant persons on earth. I hate cousins.

Mary Thinker

Especially cousins who are also cousins-in-law!

John Speaker

But even if she were only my relation, Mary, and not related to you at all, I know enough of your sweet nature to know that she would always be welcome in our home in spite of her little idiosyncrasies.

[Enter Cousin Fanny, to John and

Mary Speaker, through door right hack. She coughs as she steps forward, leaning on a cane, and puts her hand to her chest, stop-ping. Then as she comes forward, she stumbles. John and

Mary Speaker leap forward, put their arms behind her, and, supporting and leading her, conduct her tenderly down stage to chair at center of room they are in. John and

Mary Thinker, near together at table in their room, lean forward eagerly and watch this entrance, and when the old woman stumbles,

John Thinker says to

Mary Thinker, nudging her:]

John Thinker

You see?

Mary Thinker

See what?

John Thinker

 

She totters!

Mary Thinker

She stumbled.

John Thinker

She’s getting weaker.

[ Mary Speaker tenderly kisses Cousin Fanny, as

Mary Thinker says:]

Mary Thinker

Weaker! She’ll live to be a hundred and ten!

John Thinker

Not she!

Mary Thinker

The mean kind always do!

John Speaker

[Tenderly, to Cousin Fanny, arranging cushion behind her.]

Can’t I get you a wrap, Cousin Fanny?

Mary Speaker

Don’t you feel a draught, Cousin Fanny?

Mary Thinker

[Bitterly, frowning at other group.]

No draught will ever harm her!

Cousin Fanny

[To John Speaker, sneeringly; petulantly.] You’re mighty anxious about a wrap, John! But you were thinking of going out and leaving me practically alone in the house.

John Speaker [Deprecatingly. ]

But,

Cousin Fanny——

Cousin Fanny [Interrupting.]

Don’t deny it! Don’t take the trouble to deny it! Don’t lie about it! You can’t lie to me! Don’t I see your evening clothes? And Mary, too! Both of you were going out—both of you!

Mary Speaker

Cousin Fanny, we gave it up when we learned that you wanted us to stop at home with you. Didn’t we, John?

Cousin Fanny

[Querulously, childishly, shrilly.]

Don’t deny it, Mary, don’t deny it! Don’t excuse yourself! I can see you were going out! I can see your evening clothes!

Mary Speaker

We’ll go and change to something else, won’t we, John?

[She is going, as she speaks, but

Cousin Fanny cries out:]

Cousin Fanny

 

Stop!

[Mary Speaker stops, and Cousin Fanny continues:]

Don’t take them off. I don’t want you to take them off. What do you want to take them off for? Are they too good for me to see? Are they too grand for me to look at? Ain’t I as good as any one you’d find if you went out? Heh?

Mary Speaker

Cousin Fanny, I didn’t mean that. I meant——

Cousin Fanny [Interrupting.]

I know what you meant! Don’t tell me what you meant, Mary. You meant to slip out and leave me here alone, both of you. It’s lucky I caught you in time. It’s lucky I have money! It’s lucky I don’t have to put up with the treatment most old folks get. I’d starve, if I were poor! I’d die of hunger and neglect!

[She begins to cry, and Mary Speaker says:]

Mary Speaker No, no, no,

Cousin Fanny!

[ Mary Speaker soothes her, in pantomime, and pets her, trying to take her hands away from her face, Cousin Fanny resisting, like a spoiled and spiteful child. John Speaker, behind

Cousin Fanny and his wife, walks up and down, with his eyes on them, running his hand nervously and excitedly through his hair. While this pantomime goes on, John and Mary Thinker are watching and saying :]

John Thinker

This is to be one of

Cousin Fanny’s pleasant evenings!

Mary Thinker

This happens a dozen times a day.

John Thinker She’s not really crying.

Mary Thinker

Pretence! She works it up to be unpleasant.

John Thinker The old she-devil!

John Speaker

[Taking Cousin Fanny’s hand.]

You know,

Cousin Fanny, that we try to do our duty by you.

Cousin Fanny [Flinging his hand off.]

You try to do your duty by my money! I know!

I see! You talk of love and duty, but it’s my money you want! But I may fool you—I may fool you yet. It’s not too late to change my will. It’s not too late to leave it all to charity!

[She speaks these lines with a cunning leer, and John Thinker, nudging Mary Thinker and pointing to her, says:]

John Thinker The old cat is capable of it, too!

 

 

John Speaker [To Cousin Fanny.]

If you should leave your money to charity,

Cousin Fanny, you would find it made no difference with us. You know blood is thicker than water,

Cousin Fanny!

Cousin Fanny [Shrewdly, maliciously.]

So is sticky flypaper!

John Speaker

Come, come, you don’t doubt the genuineness of our affection, do you,

Cousin Fanny? You’ve known me from my boyhood,

Cousin Fanny, and you’ve lived with us for ten years. You ought to know us by this time! You ought to know us in ten years!

Mary Thinker Ten years of torture!

John Thinker It can’t last much longer!

John Speaker

[Who has taken her hand again, and has been patting it as a continuation of his last speech, and looking at her fondly.]

You trust us, don’t you,

Cousin Fanny? You really are sure of our affection, aren’t you?

Cousin Fanny

[To John Speaker. She shows that she really is willing to be convinced; she searches their faces wistfully; she is pathetically eager. ]

John, John, you really do care for me, don’t you? [She takes a hand of each.]

It isn’t all on account of my money, is it? If you knew I hadn’t a cent, you’d still be good to me, wouldn’t you?

John Speaker and

Mary Speaker [Together.]

Yes, yes,

Cousin Fanny!

Cousin Fanny

If I lost it all; if I told you I’d lost it all, you’d be just the same, wouldn’t you?

[ John Speaker and Mary Speaker exchange glances over her head, and John Speaker drops her hand, while John Thinker grabs Mary Thinker excitedly by the arm and says quickly:]

John Thinker

My God, you don’t suppose she’s really lost it, do you?

Mary Thinker

No! This is just one of her cunning spells now. She can be as crafty as a witch.

Cousin Fanny

If I hadn’t a cent you’d still care for me, wouldn’t you, Mary?

Mary Speaker

Why,

Cousin Fanny, you know I would!

Cousin Fanny

But I’m hard on you at times. I’m unjust. I don’t mean to be spiteful, but I am spiteful. When we get old we get suspicious of people. We get suspicious of everybody. And suspicion makes us spiteful and unjust. I know I’m not easy to live with, Mary.

Mary Speaker [Kissing Cousin Fanny.]

You get such strange notions,

Cousin Fanny!

John Thinker

And such true ones,

Cousin Fanny!

Cousin Fanny

Tell me the truth, Mary. You find me a trial, Mary. You and John find me a trial!

Mary Speaker and

John Speaker [Together. ]

Never,

Cousin Fanny!

Mary Thinker and

John Thinker [Together. ]

Always,

Cousin Fanny!

Cousin Fanny And that is the truth?

John Speaker,

John Thinker,

Mary Speaker and

Mary Thinker [All together. ]

And that is the truth,

Cousin Fanny!

Cousin Fanny

You don’t know how suspicious one gets!

Mary Speaker [Petting her.]

But suspicion never stays long in your good heart,

Cousin Fanny. There’s no room for it there, I know. But don’t you think you’d better go to bed now? Let me call the maid.

Cousin Fanny

[Rousing up in chair; suspicion and meanness all awake again.]

To bed? Why to bed? Why do you want to pack me off to bed? I know! I know why! You want me to go to bed so you two can talk about me. So you can talk me over! So you can speculate on how long I will live. I know you! I know what you talk about when I’m not around! I know what you’ve been waiting and hoping for the last ten years!

[Begins to cry.]

Well, you won’t have long to wait now. The time’s almost come! I feel it’s almost here. You’ll get the money soon enough!

Mary Speaker [Soothing her.]

There, there,

Cousin Fanny, don’t go on like this!

You know it isn’t true—you know you’ll live ten years yet!

[John Speaker runs his hands through his hair and looks silently at Mary Speaker, and John Thinker, with the same gesture, says to Mary Thinker:]

John Thinker

If I thought she’d live ten years yet——!

[Pauses.]

Mary Thinker

Well, if you thought she’d live ten years yet——?

John Thinker [With a gesture of de pair. ]

My God—ten years like the last ten years! Ten years! Talk about earning money! If it hasn’t been earned ten times over!

Mary Thinker

[Fiercely.]

You see it mornings and evenings. I have it all day long, and every day. I’ve had it for ten years. I go nowhere, I see no one. I have no pleasures. I have no friends; I’ve lost my friends. I’m losing my youth. I’m losing my looks. I’m losing my very soul. I’m shedding my life’s blood drop by drop to keep that querulous fool alive—just merely alive! I’m tired of it! I’m sick of it! I’m desperate! I’m dying from her, I tell you!

Mary Speaker

[Still soothing Cousin Fanny, but speaking with one hand nervously clutching her own head as she does so.]

Come, come,

Cousin Fanny—you’d better go to bed now!

Cousin Fanny

I won’t go to bed yet! I want my medicine. It’s time for my medicine now. I won’t go to bed till I’ve had my sleeping tablets.

John Speaker

Where are they,

Cousin Fanny?

Cousin Fanny

On top of the bookcase there. The small phial. [

John Speaker goes to the bookcase and begins to rummage for phial, while

John Thinker says, meditatively:]

John Thinker

I suppose if one ever gave her the wrong medicine by mistake it would be called by some ugly name!

Mary Thinker

People like her never get the wrong medicine given to them, and never take it by mistake themselves.

John Speaker [Finding bottle; examining it.]

See here,

Cousin Fanny, didn’t you have one of these about an hour ago? Didn’t I see you take one of them right after dinner?

Cousin Fanny [Peevishly.]

I don’t know. I don’t remember. I want one now, anyhow. My nerves are on the jump. You have got all my nerves on the jump. I’ll take one, and nap here in the chair.

John Speaker [To Mary Speaker.]

She took one about an hour ago. I don’t think it’s quite right to let her have another so soon. They have a powerful depressing effect on the heart.

Mary Speaker Let me see which ones they are.

[ John Speaker holds the bottle out towards Mary Speaker, in front of Cousin Fanny. Cousin Fanny snatches it with a sudden motion, and laughs childishly. John Speaker and Mary Speaker look at each other inquiringly over her head.]

John Speaker

She really shouldn’t have another one now, I’m afraid, dear. It might be pretty serious. [To Cousin Fanny.]

You did take one right after dinner, didn’t you,

Cousin Fanny?

Cousin Fanny

[Hugging bottle to her very excitedly.]

No! No! I tell you I didn’t! I will take one! You don’t want me to get to sleep! You don’t want me to get any rest! You want me to die!

John Thinker I know that she did have one.

Mary Speaker [To John Speaker.]

What can you do, dear?

John Speaker

[Taking hold of Cousin Fanny’s hands, and trying to take phial gently.]

See here,

Cousin Fanny, you must be reasonable… you mustn’t be stubborn about this. You can’t have another tablet now. It’s dangerous. It might even kill you!

John Thinker

It would kill her as certainly as she sits there.

John Speaker

Come, come,

Cousin Fanny… it might be dangerous.

Mary Speaker

John, don’t struggle with her! Don’t you know if you struggle with her it is likely to prove fatal? The doctor says the least strain will prove fatal.

Cousin Fanny [Whimpering and struggling.]

Let me have it! Let me alone! Let go of my hands! You want to kill me! You want me to die so you can get my money!

John Speaker [Releasing her.]

No! No! No!

Cousin Fanny… Come, be reasonable!

[He reaches for her hands again, and she grabs his hand and bites it. He draws back and says:]

Damn!

[Nurses his hand.]

Mary Speaker

Did she bite you?

John Speaker

Yes.

[Nurses his hand, and

Mary Speaker examines it, while

Cousin Fanny pulls cork from phial with teeth, and

John Thinker says:]

John Thinker

The old viper has teeth yet!

Mary Thinker

She is a cat… she is a she-devil… she is a witch… she has a bad heart….

John Speaker

[To Mary Speaker, pointing to Cousin Fanny, who is shaking tablet out of bottle; she drops one and gropes for it, and shakes another more carefully, with air of childish triumph.]

Mary, what can I do? She will have it! And if I struggle with her it will kill her! She is too weak to struggle! It will kill her to struggle! And if I let her take the tablet it may do her harm!

Mary Speaker

Perhaps the tablet won’t do her any harm, John.

John Thinker

It will kill her as surely as she sits there. I know it will and you know it will.

John Speaker

Maybe it won’t hurt her, Mary… but we can never tell…. I’m afraid… I’m afraid it really might harm her….

Cousin Fanny [Putting tablet into her mouth.]

There! I’m going to sleep, now…. I’m going to sleep in spite of you. You hate me—both of you hate me—but you can’t prevent me going to sleep!

Mary Speaker

She’s taken it, John. Do you suppose she really did have one before?

John Speaker [To Cousin Fanny.]

Cousin Fanny, you didn’t have one before, did you?

Cousin Fanny

[She has closed her eyes; she opens them and rocks back and forth, laughing foolishly.]

Yes!

John Speaker

[Taking out handkerchief; mopping fore-head.]

I don’t believe she did. She says she did, but she doesn’t know.

Cousin Fanny [Rocking and laughing sillily.]

Yes, I did! You know I did!

John Speaker

She doesn’t know…. She doesn’t know whether she did or not…. She hasn’t really been right in her mind for a long time. I don’t think she had one before.

[As he speaks Cousin Fanny ceases rocking and leans hack in her chair, closing her eyes. From this time on the two Johns and the two Marys stare at her intently, never taking their eyes off of her while they speak.]

John Thinker

She did have one before.

Mary Thinker

I know she did.

John Thinker

Will she die? Will I see her die? I should hate to see her die!

John Speaker

She would have that tablet… she WOULD have it. If I had taken it away from her by force it would have killed her; the struggle would have killed her.

John Thinker

Will I see her die? Will she die?

John Speaker

I let her have it to save her life… it was to save her life that I quit struggling with her.

John Thinker

If she dies… but will she die?

Mary Thinker

She will die!

Cousin Fanny

[Rousing from her lethargy slightly; open-ing her eyes.]

John… Mary…. You really love me, don’t you? Don’t you? You really… really…

[Sinks back, with head slightly on one side and eyes closed again; does not move after this.]

Mary Speaker

[They all speak with lowered voices now.] She is asleep. She really needed the tablet. It was a mercy she got it. She was nervous and overwrought, and it has put her to sleep.

John Speaker

Yes, it was a mercy she got it. She was nervous and overwrought, and it has put her to sleep.

… And you know, Mary, she would have t… if I had struggled with her, she would have died! A struggle would have killed her.

John Thinker

And now she will die because there was no struggle.

Mary Thinker

She will die.

John Speaker

Is she breathing quite naturally, Mary?

Mary Speaker Quite. Quite naturally.

Mary Thinker Death is quite natural.

John Thinker And she is dying.

John Speaker

Well, if she had struggled and died… if she had died through any fault of mine… I would always have reproached myself….

Mary Speaker

You have nothing to reproach yourself for. You need never reproach yourself with regard to her….

John Thinker

She was old. She was very old. She will be better dead.

Mary Thinker She is not quite dead.

John Speaker

I don’t like the way she is breathing…. She is scarcely breathing…. She doesn’t seem to be breathing at all!

Mary Speaker Old people breathe very quietly.

Mary Thinker Old people die very quietly.

John Thinker And she is dying.

Mary Thinker

She is dead!

John Thinker

Mary… Mary… is she breathing at all?

Mary Speaker

Call the maid…. Send for the doctor…. Call the maid!

John Thinker It is too late for any doctor.

Mary Thinker

Too late!

John Speaker

Mary, Mary…. My God… she can’t be dead!

Mary Speaker [Bending above her.]

John, dear… try to bear it bravely… but… but I’m afraid she is…. Poor

Cousin Fanny has left us!

John Speaker

[Rapidly.]

Poor

Cousin Fanny…. Poor

Cousin Fanny…. Poor

Cousin Fanny….

John Thinker

Fifteen thousand a year… fifteen thousand a year…. Why do I think of that?… But I can’t help it…. I can’t help thinking of it….

Mary Speaker I’ll go get the maid.

[Going.]

John Speaker

Stop…. Wait, Mary…. Don’t call her yet… get her presently…. I don’t want to be alone just now…. I’m in a kind of fog….

[Lights go out as he says this; he continues in the darkness.]

I’m all in the dark.

[Lights on again.]

[In the interim, which is very short,

Cousin Fanny has gone over to the room on the left in which are John and

Mary Thinker, and sits in chair corresponding to one which she has just left.]

[She is silent and motionless, but her head is lifted; her eyes are open; she is alive again. When lights go on again, John and Mary Speaker still stand before chair she has left as if she were in it; it is apparent that they believe themselves to be still looking at the old woman.]

Mary Speaker

Nonsense… all in the dark?… What do you mean by all in the dark?

John Speaker

Nothing… nothing now. It has passed….

[Pointing to chair where Cousin Fanny was.]

She died with a smile on her face!

John Thinker

But she isn’t there….

Cousin Fanny isn’t there.

… She’s here…. She’s over here with us… over here with us!

Mary Thinker

Here with us… over here, forever, now.

Mary Speaker

[Holding John Speaker’s hand and gazing at vacant chair.]

How beautiful she looks! She is at rest, now! She is better off so. Better dead. She is better at peace!

John Thinker

[Violently; starting towards other room.]

My God. I’m going to stop it… stop it… stop that lying… stop it at any cost…. I’m going to stop that pretending… that damned pretending….

Mary Thinker

[Quickly getting in front of him; holding him back.]

What are you going to do?

John Thinker

Stop it, I tell you…. Tell the truth… stop that pretense….

[Moves towards the other room. As he does so, Mary Speaker and John Speaker, for the first time become aware of John and Mary Thinker, and shrink back in terror and alarm, clinging together, confused, convicted, abject, retreating, powerless; Cousin Fanny leaps in front of John Thinker at same instant, and bars him back, saying:]

Cousin Fanny

Stop!

John Thinker

Why? I will stop this pretense… Why not?

Cousin Fanny

[All four of the others lean forward and hang eagerly upon her words.]

You must not. It can’t be done. It is the foundation upon which your society rests. It is necessary… over there!

CURTAIN